This is for all my Mamas & all my women out there, but especially my mamas: let’s talk about some self love, self care, & building a healing circle...
Women are so amazing- we are! Mamas, We are always pouring ourselves into everything & everyone else. The definition of a Mama is someone who holds the family down selflessly. We are raising these babies, we cook, clean, arrange the play dates, plan the trips, grocery shop, help w homework, hold the babies when they cry, break up the fights, heal the colds, we make sure everyone is healthy, happy, clean, loved, & well cared for. We stay doing stuff for everyone else but us!
Self Love is knowing when you need to make some special time to take care of yourself. Feeling burnt out, tired, overworked, overwhelmed, frustrated, feel like your energy is low? Feel like your vibrations are low? Then you need some self care time & to focus on yourself!
Newsflash no one is coming to save you! No one is going to offer to help you. I have 3 kids & believe me no one ever offers to just take them off our hands for a few hours to give us a break- that’s NOT happening! So you have to save your self! Be an advocate for yourself. We need a break too! We need time to be quiet, sit still, heal, laugh, console, spend time alone with our significant others, & love on ourselves- you can’t pour from an empty cup! So we need to fill our cups up with all the things that make us happy, so in turn we can pour all that positivity into the ones we love.
Moms: DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT NEEDING TIME AWAY FROM YOUR KIDS! I repeat do not guilt yourself into thinking you don’t deserve alone time- You do! We all do! We give our children every inch of ourselves, it is ok to say “ok now I need a break.” Prioritize yourself: Do what makes you happy, schedule time to give yourself some self love & self care, ask for help- (yup even if you have to beg, ask a trustable source to watch your babies), take a bath (even if you gotta lock the door & the kids are banging on it- bye bye kiddies), journal, read, sit in the sun, go out to eat with your friends, take a hike by yourself- BE AN ADVOCATE FOR YOUR SELF!
I'm no self care expert but I do have 3 children and I find it imperative that I take some type of breaks and time away from them or I'll literally go insane. I would like to share one of the ways that I've made self care a regular recurring thing in hopes it will help encourage other moms to do the same.
I put together a Women's Self Care Healing Circle. This idea started out as an idea for a Women's Support Group. I am an in-home daycare provider and in between talking to the moms at the daycare and talking to my mom friends I realized one thing: We were all stressed out from being stretched too thin and we all NEEDED A BREAK! So I formed a Women's Self Care Circle. I invited women I knew personally and I felt like had good vibes. What it grew into was something I could never imagine! At first they were being held at my house. We started our first group with snacks, wine, and some guided exercises and discussions on what stressors and self care looked like to us. The group kept going monthly and evolved into including as many as 13 women at a time, each time we met there was a different theme of the night. One time we made vision boards, one time we learned about and got a presentation on healing crystals, one time we had a guest speaker, it was going real well and then covid hit and we took a break because people didn't necessarily want to be around each other anymore. When we all decided we really needed to pick that back up it evolved into taking hikes outdoors to get some fresh air but still see our friends. I also started inviting less people at this point. So now it's whittled down a lot. Many times it's only about 5 to 6 of us now, and it's mainly just my closest mom friends but it's a time that all of us dearly look forward to every month! The time we spend together usually includes food and some type of outdoor rec, but we also make sure we check in with each other and laugh hard because that's how we're gonna get through this thing called life- better together.
Here are some tips to help you form your moms circle:
!) Building the group: Reach out to a solid group of friends that you know want to and will come through. Not everyone is going to come, & not every time but the solid ones will! Also the ones who really need the break that don't get it elsewhere will. Also don't take it personally if people don't come through. It's not you, it's them lol.
2) Set a recurring date: Originally I would just make up a random date during the month and tell the ladies in advance. I found it really helped people to make it the same day every month. That way they already have it in their head and won't make plans on that day. So now we get together the first Saturday of every month and we look forward to it!
3) Give everyone advanced notice: Text your circle 2-3 weeks in advanced and then send reminders (not annoyingly but once a week). This helps everyone line up the childcare they need for this time.
4) Switch it up: Switch up what you do every time so it stays fun and interesting and gives your women reasons to keep coming back. After covid we were doing a lot of hikes- which was great but this month we went out to eat (since you can do that again) and that was so much fun to just sit down and laugh, over good food and drinks.
5) Check in: Lastly tap in with everyone. It is helpful to have some type of activity or group exercise lined up in your head so that you can really make this a healing circle. Sometimes we have journal exercises, sometimes we doing releasing exercises, sometimes we say positive affirmations, sometimes we just write down our stressors & how we can combat it, and sometimes we just go around the circle and have a check in to see how everyone is doing. Whatever it is we hope it helps peel back the layers and gives women a chance to vent. So many of us are holding so much in and just barely hanging on and we don't even know it until we get in that safe space where we can share.
I hope these tips help and encourage all the mamas out there to start their own healing circle cause Lord knows we all need it!